


You're not her and I love you for it

by Drifter (lightworlddrifter)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Empire City, F/F, Human AU, Interspecies Romance, brief human peridot, gem peridot/human lapis, human lapis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:23:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightworlddrifter/pseuds/Drifter
Summary: Lapis was shattered. Periwinkle was dead. Both were reckless in their own ways.
The ones left behind move to Empire City to find themselves, but end up finding each other instead.





	1. Chapter 1

It had only beed two days since Lapis had officially joined the  _ Crystal _ gems. Peridot had insisted on her joining the group for a while now, but Lapis had needed time. She needed time to be herself, not another cog in the homeworld’s machine, not a slave to a mirror to be used by enemy and ally alike, and certainly not a member of those who knew she was trapped and willfully chose to do nothing.

When Steven, the only one who trusted and respected her for the longest time, had asked her to join, and she refused, he accepted her decision without question. He understood her reasons, without being told, and was just grateful to have her as a friend (and glad she wasn’t trying to drown him again).

When Peridot asked her to join, and Lapis refused, she had come at her with charts, graphs, and carefully planned speeches, read off of notecards full of countless bullet points.  _ But they saved my life! They saved your life! _ Lapis had carefully pointed out that saving her life didn’t negate the time she spent trapped in a mirror in their possession. Peridot only huffed at that and resolved to come back later with more argument and talking points.

After nearly a year of constant badgering, something Steven was very apologetic for, Lapis had made up her mind. So, for  _ Steven’s _ sake (and not just to get Peridot to  _ finally  _ shut up, as Amethyst had theorized) Lapis became an official member of the Crystal Gems as a 15th birthday present.

Peridot was ecstatic, and Steven was touched. Garnet had stated that she was by no means required to go on missions, and that it was perfectly alright if her membership was in-name-only but Lapis was insistent on fully committing.

Two days later, there was trouble at the sunken seaspire that Lapis was uniquely equipped to handle. Garnet pulled her aside. She didn’t have to do this, Garnet had told her. There was a chance, as with every mission, that someone might not come back. This only steeled Lapis’s resolve, and Garnet understood. The odds of a stray piller falling and snapping Lapis’s gem in two were slim. Only one of thousands of branches in the river of the future.

Steven took it hard. Lapis only went on that mission because she was a Crystal Gem, and she was only a Crystal Gem as a gift to him. Peridot took it harder. While Steven was her first friend, Lapis was her best. Maybe if she didn’t push to join the team, Lapis wouldn’t have. Maybe she would’ve made a morp for Steven’s birthday and called it done, like they had planned when they invented the artform.

Garnet knew Lapis joining the gems was inevitable, knew that on every mission there was one path where someone died, but it happened so rarely, there were so many other options, she couldn’t have known.

Peridot was the one that bubbled her gem. Originally she suggested Steven do it, but he had insisted that her home was the barn. Her home was with Peridot. Secretly she was glad. Even though Lapis was gone, she wanted to keep her close, keep her memories alive.

Not knowing what else to do, Peridot placed her Gem in a place of honor within the barn, Ethereally floating above one of their collaborative pieces; a piece that would never again be truly complete.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other death

Periwinkle Dottie Greene was a smart, studious young girl who lived in the suburbs of Empire City. Her family was far from rich, which kept her out of the more prestigious schools, despite her many scholarships. They just weren’t enough. She was glad, though, because if she never attended the local community college, if she never impulsively took an elective art class her last semester, she never would have met Lisa Lazarus.

Lisa was a first year art student, and incredibly talented. She saw beauty in everything, and she especially saw beauty in the annoying techie with the colorful name. Her favorite color was blue, and nearly every painting she did for herself was in shades of it. (Except those of Peri. Those were always green, green, green.) For their one month anniversary, Peri had gotten her earrings, two tiny teardrop Lapis Lazulis.

“I know you usually prefer these ground up into paint, but I thought they’d suit you,” she shyly admitted, so far removed from her usual boisterous self.

Lisa just laughed. “No one’s used Lapis in paint colors for years, Peri,” she said, giving her girlfriend a playful shove.

“Well that just shows what I know about art,” Peri replied.

It had been one week from their one year anniversary. Lisa was just putting the finishing touches on an abstract painting where cobalt blue and sap green blended and creeping myrtles in the wrong color grew around the borders. Peri would love it, Lisa knew.

Currently, Peri was touring downtown Empire City. She was just about to start a summer internship there, and Lisa would be making the hour drive to stay with her great aunt who happened to live in the heart of the city. They’d get to see each other every day, when Peri was done with work, something they hadn’t been able to do since Peri went off to university. Lisa was so excited she could barely contain herself.

Her phone rang, and Lisa glanced at the caller ID. Peri’s face, wearing alien eye sunglasses and giving a thumbs up to the camera filled the screen.  _ PeriDot _ it declared.

Lisa rolled her eyes. The nickname was Peri’s idea. When they started dating, Peri decided they needed couple-y names, which Lisa immediately rejected. There was no way she was going to be reduced to “Baby” or “Honey Bun” by the person she cared about most. Peri suggested Lapis Lazuli. They were her favorite gemstone, and Peri reasoned that Lazuli was close enough to Lazarus to be practically the same name. Lisa conceded, but only for her.

Peridot was the logical choice for Periwinkle Dottie Greene. Secretly, Lisa prefered Peridot. Periwinkle and Dottie were such grandma names, they didn’t fit Peri’s personality at all.

Lisa answered the phone, “Hey Peri,” she greeted, setting down her paintbrush and moving to sit in the window.

When someone who decidedly  _ wasn’t _ her girlfriend answered, Lisa’s heart stopped. “Is this, uhh,” it was a woman’s voice, “Lapis Lazuli?”

Lisa sat up straighter, “It’s Lisa,” she corrected. “Lapis is just what my girlfriend calls me. May I ask who I’m speaking to?” as an afterthought she added, “And why?”

“My name is Erika,” said the stranger, “I’m an EMT and I’m calling because you were listed at the emergency contact in my patient’s phone.”

Lisa’s blood ran cold. “P-patient?” she squeaked out.

“Yes, I’m so sorry to be telling you this way, but there’s been an accident.”

The next week passed in a blur for Lisa. Periwinkle was declared dead on arrival. Most people had a hard time surviving being hit by a bus. She just hadn’t been paying any attention to where she was going, the coroner had said. Lisa didn’t doubt it, Peri was always absorbed in her phone or tablet or a book, but Lisa still didn’t like the insinuation that this was somehow her girlfriend’s own fault.

The family was devastated. They could only afford the cremation, and weren’t going to have a wake but Lisa objected.

“I’ll do it,” she said, “I’ll pay.” Her family was rich and she didn’t mind putting off university for another year to make up for it.

The wake was sad. She cried, but was glad that she was able to see her love, her Peri Dot, gemstone of her life, once again.

When she was cremated, Mrs. Greene called her, and asked her if she wanted to stop by the house for some tea and lunch as a thank you for all she did. Lisa agreed.

“We wanted you to have this,” she said, as she passed a green, pyramidal urn into her hand.

“I- I can’t, she was your daughter, I couldn’t,” Lisa protested.

Mrs. Greene insisted. “It’s what Periwinkle would have wanted. Besides, it’s only half. And if you change your mind later, you can always bring her back here. Just, keep her for a little while? Please?” there were tears in Mrs. Greene’ pleading eyes. Lisa couldn’t refuse.

They ate. They cried. Mrs. Greene held Lisa as her body was racked with tears.

Mrs. Greene told her things Peri hadn’t gotten to. Periwinkle loved her. Lisa made Periwinkle better. More caring. Kinder. Mrs. Greene confessed that she was excited for the day when she could call Lisa daughter and now that day would never come.

Lisa looked up at the old woman, hair a mix between blonde and gray, round glasses, glasses that matched Peri’s exactly, perched on her face. “I would be proud to call you my mother,” she said, and she meant it.

As Lisa was leaving, Mrs. Greene stopped her, and placed a small box in the hand that wasn’t cradling the green urn. “They found this in her school things, where she was staying for her internship. I believe it was yours.”

Lisa took it, curious as to the contents of the small box, but not willing to open it in front of the woman. She thanked her and headed home.

Inside was a small, teardrop Lapis Lazuli, suspended from a silver chain. A necklace to match her earrings, and a note wishing her a happy anniversary. Just when Lisa thought she couldn’t cry any longer, fresh tears fell from her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So welcome to chapter two. This about wraps up our obligatory deaths. Periwinkle was an MLG nerd and will be missed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa gets settled and Peridot moves in next door

Lisa’s mother thought it would be good for her to leave the suburbs. Her sister Margo absolutely adored Lisa and was glad to let her live with her in her apartment for as long as she needed.

“I don’t care if she’s her until she’s 40,” Margo said, “I could use the company and it’s not like I can’t afford another mouth to feed.”

In some ways Lisa’s mother was jealous of her sister. She had married rich and lived a moderately lavish life off inheritance from her dead husband. Most of the time though, she did not envy Margo. Her dead spouse was an abusive piece of shit that nobody loved and if myou asked Lisa’s mother, she wouldn’t be surprised if she learned Margo drowned James herself.

Lisa only needed to pack an extra box of personal items to be prepared to live with her Aunt long term. The first quilt she made was thrown in a box, along with her desktop computer (Peri had always begged her to upgrade) her grandmother’s lamp, her jewelry box, and all her winter clothes. Her mother drove her, she wouldn’t be needing a car living so deep in the city, and she sat in silence in the front seat, Periwinkle’s ashes cradled in her lap.

Aunt Margo’s apartment was large, and its building even larger. It towered above those around it, with a fire escape zig zagging down each side and letting out into the alleys, away from the street. There was a front desk and a doorman, and after telling the secretary who they were, someone was summoned to assist with moving Lisa's two suitcases, duffle bag, and box up to Margo's apartment.

Margo greeted her niece with a smile, a hug, and a kiss on the forehead. She showed Lisa to her room, and bid goodbye to her mother that evening. Lisa had placed Periwinkle on the nightstand, and fell asleep with one hand touching the urn.

Three months passed when they learned about someone moving in next door. Lisa was settled. She was stable. She had a job at the coffee shop down the road, and Periwinkle’s ashes were moved to a place of honor above the fireplace instead of tucked away in Lisa’s room. Every once in awhile, when no one was looking, Lisa would place a kiss on her fingertips and gently touch the pyramid. She would never forget her Peri Dot, but she was slowly moving on.

Her new neighbor was mysterious, someone she never saw, and honestly Lisa would have never known about her if Margo wasn’t so nosey and she didn’t run into the young boy helping her move in.

A Mr. Greg, billionaire, had bought the apartment for a family friend. Apparently he made a lot of money for writing some burger jingle, but Lisa didn’t really care for fast food and so didn’t pay attention.

It had just been another day when Lisa met the boy helping his friend move. She had been going towards the elevator just as he was stepping out of it. When he caught sight of her, he dropped the box he was carrying and it landed with a heavy  _ thud _ .

Lisa had assumed it must have been too heavy for the boy. She still had another hour before her shift and it was only a 5 minute walk, so she decided to take time to help.

“Here, let me,” she said, stepping towards the youth. She bent over to pick up the box, only to find it was  _ much _ heavier than she had anticipated.  _ No wonder he dropped it _ , she mused.

The boy seemed to recover, “O-oh no, it’s alright, I got it,” he said, flashing her a bright grin. He picked it up like it was nothing, even though it was as big as him and probably weighed four times as much. Lisa wondered what was even in it. He could barely see around it.

“At least let me open the door for you?” she offered.

“Sure, that’d be a great help, thanks,” he said, directing her towards the apartment right next door to hers. He set the box down and reached out his hand for her to shake. “My name’s Steven. What’s yours?”

“Lisa,” she said, taking his hand. Steven nodded and exited the apartment, and Lisa followed, hopping onto the elevator with him.

Steven was honestly amazed. She looked  _ just _ like her. Her hair was even  _ blue _ , if a bit longer and wavier. If the harsh lighting of the apartment hallway hadn’t illuminated her distinctly  _ human _ tan skin, he would have sworn she was some sort of gem ghost.

He quickly recovered from his shock. After meeting Sheena, he knew that it was within the realm of possibility for a gem and a human to look the same, but it was still weird seeing it twice already.

On the elevator they made small talk as Lisa took off her hat to braid her hair. Steven learned that she worked, but just for something to do not because they needed the money. She lived with her aunt Margo and she was an art student.

Lisa learned that it was Steven’s friend that was moving in, and that she was a little reserved because she had just lost someone she cared about very much. Steven noticed the sad glint in her eyes after that as she expressed that she knew how that felt.

When the elevator hit the first floor, they parted ways, Steven going to get more boxes and Lisa to get lunch before her shift.

The mysterious neighbor had been living there for nearly a week and not one person had seen her.

“It’s almost like she never leaves her apartment and that simply won’t do,” Margo had commented on the morning of Lisa’s day off. “So I’m making her some pie, and we’re going to be bringing it over to her.”

Lisa raised an eyebrow, “We?”

“Of course,” said Margo as she pulled the apple pie from the oven and set it on the counter to cool a bit. “She is  _ both _ our neighbor, after all.”

Thankfully, Lisa had anticipated something like this. Margo had become quite the social butterfly when her husband died and was no longer around to control her, and she made it a point to know practically everyone in the building.

Lisa’s first week with her was spent introducing her to the neighbors on her floor, and she knew when Steven’s mysterious friend moved in it was only a matter of time.

Lisa held the pie in both hands while Margo firmly knocked three times.

They heard scrambling and indistinct grumbling before the door was thrown open by a short young  _ green _ woman.

“For the last time, I’m not interested in any-” she started harsh, and trailed off, going quiet as she looked up at Lisa who was frozen stiff in a state of shock.

The girl in front of her was shorter than Periwinkle, and  _ green _ of all things, but it was the same  _ green _ Peri always adored, the color Lisa used in all her paintings for her. Her hair was the same shade of blond, only it fell in an inhuman triangle shape instead of being pulled into a messy bun.

It was Periwinkle and at the same time wasn’t. Her voice even had that same annoyingly grating quality Lisa so adored.

Peridot was equally amazed. Her she was, ready to yell at some stranger for trying to sell her religion or earth food. The last thing she expected was to see  _ her,  _ Lapis Lazuli reincarnated into human form. Except she couldn’t be. This woman was at least 20 by earth standards, and Lapis had only been dead six months.

Before she even knew what she was doing, the words escaped her mouth in a soft, hopeful whisper. “Lazuli?”

That was enough. If Lisa wasn’t broken before she was broken now. Her hands opened up and the pie spilled to the ground, ceramic shattering and bits of warm crust carpeting the floor. She turned and ran, bolting to the stairs and the creature in the doorway followed after without a second thought, leaving behind a very worried and confused human woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Peridot and Lisa finally meet. This is turning out a bit more Lisa-centric than I'd like, but oh well. I'm mostly writing this for me, because I NEEEEEED more human/gem stuff
> 
> This is all I have written so far so updates will be slow and infrequent


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Lisa and Peridot interactions.

_ Lazuli _ . Lisa never imagined she would hear that voice say that word ever again. And yet her neighbor, some strange doppelganger of her lost love, had called her that immediately upon seeing her. And now, the doppelganger was chasing her. She could only hope the little gremlins short legs impeded it on the stairs.

Logically, Peridot knew this wasn’t Lapis, couldn’t be Lapis. Lapis was shattered and sat bubbled above a circle of toilets in the dining room of her new apartment. Yet she felt compelled to pursue the mysterious human anyway.

Lisa practically flew down the stairs, taking them two at a time and Peridot followed, eventually jumping on the railing and sliding down the banister.

“Wait!” Peridot called after her. She stumbled off the banister just before Lisa reached the landing. She recovered quickly and stood square in front of the human girl who came to a screeching halt in front of the alien.

Lisa tripped on her own feet and started to fall down the last two stairs onto the landing but Peridots quick reflexes kept her from making an unfortunate meeting with the hard floor.

“Lapis! It's me!” Peridot couldn't think of anything else to say, so at a loss of what to do. It wasn't the same, but she never thought she'd get to see that face again, yet here it was, right in front of her.

_ Peridot,  _ was all that ran through Lisa's mind and it took all her willpower to not whisper the name out loud. They may have shared a voice and a face, but the girl in front of her, holding her, was so different, so alien, Lisa could never mistake her for  _ her  _ Peri Dot.

After a moment of awkward silence, Peridot realized she was still gripping Lisa tightly in her arms. Lisa must have realized the same thing as she straightened, and Peridot released her. Lisa cleared her throat.

“Am I,” she began, “Am I supposed to know you?” She tried to play it cool, like she  _ hadn't  _ just turned and ran down four flights of stairs.

Peridot’s face fell but she quickly recovered. “I suppose not.” She held out her hand, firm and confident and Lisa tentatively took it. “I am Peridot, the great and lovable, savior of the Earth.”

Lisa's throat went dry. Peridot. She took a deep breath. It was just a name. It wasn't even Periwinkle’s  _ real  _ name; she could do this. “Lisa,” she introduced. “Lisa Lazarus.”

The handshake went on a little too long, and when Lisa pulled away her hand moved to grip the Lapis Lazuli pendant that hung around her neck.

“Lisa,” Peridot tested the name on her tongue. It was unfamiliar and yet not at the same time. Steven had gone on for many hours about the Lisa from his book, but it was her first time encountering a real living human with the name. In fact, it was her first time encountering a human that  _ wasn't  _ from Steven’s circle of friends. “Well, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance,”

“Likewise,” Lisa replied. Peridot’s voice was so similar to Periwinkle's but different at the same time. Sure they  _ sounded  _ the same, but Peridot was louder, more confident and her word choice was strangely formal. 

A new silence came over them, only to be broken by Lisa’s aunt Margo reaching the landing several floors below their apartment.

“There you are, Lisa,” she said, relief evident in her voice. She glanced over and noticed Peridot, rocking back and forth on her socked feet. “Oh and you must be the neighbor. Is everything alright? You both ran off rather quickly.”

Peridot answered before Lisa got the chance to, “Yes, yes everything is wonderful. Lisa and I were just getting acquainted.”

“Well,” Margo began, “Why don’t we all head back upstairs. The pie may be ruined but that doesn’t mean I can’t whip up a quick lunch for us all. Or maybe some tea?”

Lisa wanted to object, say that no, they were both fine and Peridot really should be getting back to her apartment but just as she opened her mouth, Peridot was already responding. “That sounds wonderful. While I’m afraid I won’t be ingesting any  _ food _ , as my body is incapable of digestion, I would love the opportunity to get to know you both,” at this Peridot’s eyes moved to stare behind Margo, directly at Lisa. She added, “And Steven has explained to me that social eating is a very important human activity.”

Margo just smiled, somewhat confused at their odd neighbor, but glad she had accepted the invitation.

Peridot, Lisa, and Margo had opted to exit the stairwell and take the elevator back up to their floor. Peridot was excited. She had wanted to greet her neighbors, but just hadn’t gotten around to it yet, too wrapped up in watching all the special features on the anniversary edition Camp Pining Hearts box set Steven had gotten her as a parting gift. It stung, a little. CPH was her and Lapis’s  _ thing _ , what they always did together, and now she was gone. Peridot wondered what Lisa would think of the show. Maybe she had more in common with the Gem than just a face? Peridot was filled with a new determination to find out. It was a new mission, something to focus on whole heartedly, instead of wistlessly waiting for fanfiction to update, or fellow users on the sparsely populated CPH reddit to reply to her theories.

Margo and Lisa’s apartment has much the same layout as Peridot’s own. There was a dining room just as you entered, and open kitchen with a breakfast nook, and a living room with a fireplace. Peridot noticed that throughout the house were vases of silk flowers, something she could identify as periwinkles, and on the mantle above the fireplace was a green pyramid. Lisa watched Peridot take in the apartment, and smiled sadly when her eyes landed on Periwinkle’s ashes. Peridot noticed the look and found it odd. She had seen that same look reflected on her own face in Lapis’s gem, and she wondered what about an object would cause a human to have the same reaction.

She was quickly distracted when Margo lead her to the breakfast nook and pulled out a chair for her. She sat down, and Lapis sat across from her, keeping her attention on her aunt.

“I know you said you have digestion problems,” Margo began, addressing Peridot, “But would you like something to drink? Some tea, perhaps?”

Peridot considered the offer, and accepted. She couldn’t drink tea, but she enjoyed the smell of it. “Wow, thanks,” she said, almost automatically, as two cups of fragrant chamomile were placed in front of her and Lisa.

Margo sat down with a cup of her own and began to make small talk. “I never did catch your name. Mine’s Margo, and you’ve already met my niece, Lisa.” She took a drink from her mug and Peridot picked hers up, enjoying the aroma and the feeling of warmth in her hands.

“Peridot,” she replied. Margo gave a subtle glance to her niece who was listlessly stirring sugar into her tea. While Margo had never met Periwinkle personally, she had seen pictures, and she couldn’t deny the similarities between her and the girl that sat next to her. The similarities in face and name were probably hitting Lisa harder than she was letting on.

They chatted and made small talk for a little while. Peridot asked a few questions about Margo and Lisa’s relationship, which lead to the older woman explaining family trees and the like. Eventually the matter of Peridot’s strange appearance arose, and Peridot explained that she was a gem and a protector of humanity. Margo remarked that she always knew they weren’t alone in the universe, especially after hearing about all the weird things that went down in a small Delmarva town.

After about an hour, Lisa excused herself and Peridot decided to do the same. “Steven usually calls around this hour anyway,” Peridot said. “I wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.” While technically true, she knew she wouldn’t be receiving a call from the boy tonight- he was staying the night at his friend Connie’s place for the evening and had promised to call her when he was finished with their training the next day.

When Peridot returned home, she noticed the remnants of the pie had all been cleared away- probably Margo’s doing. She was glad, it was one less thing to tend to before she plopped into a green bean bag chair and began browsing her tablet. She had a hard time keeping her mind off Lisa for the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is RUSHED and i don't like it, but honestly im just trying to get to the GOOD STUFF, you kno? 
> 
> to the FLUFF. i have this great idea i'm workin on, where it turns out Periwinkle was a Big Name Fanfic author in the CPH community and Peridot /knew/ her online, but idk im not sold on it
> 
> i'm also really excited to explore the differences between Lisa and Lapis, and Peridot and Periwinkle. Like, at first they're each a replacement for the one the other lost, but then they both learn to love each other as the unique beings that they are. 
> 
> Expect updates to be slow and infrequent, especially if you're reading this in like november or somethin. i tend to slow down a LOT after the first week so y'kno, just givin you a heads up.

**Author's Note:**

> So welcome to whatever this is. 
> 
> I've always been a big fan of human/gem relationships, and after the introduction of the mystery girl i began to wonder if there were any other gem look-a-likes out there.
> 
> the premise of this is the universe is always in balance and will make lapidot happen even if both lapis and peridot die and have to get together with a different lapis and peridot


End file.
